ScotEng: Half of MY Heart

Half of My Heart
one-shot

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I sat there, on a stool, with a cigar on my hand and a bottle of whisky on my other; I was recklessly drowning down my nth bottle of whisky that night with one long gulp. After all, drinking has always been my thing. Hangovers are for the weak.

The bar was almost empty, after all, the sun has already risen a long time ago. I took one last long drag at my cigarette before stumping it on the nearest ashtray. I fumbled with my wallet to fish out some cash for the drinks I bought that night. After paying and almost emptying my wallet, I stumbled out the pub. I tugged on my jacket as I felt the cool wind hit my face.  As I started to head home, that was when something caught my eye. A little kid playing with two rabbits at the park, that, unfortunately, forced memories to my mind as I remember him again. That damned kid.


I was born in the arms of imaginary friends
Free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been
Then you come crashing in, like the realest thing
Trying my best to understand all that your love can bring


I remember it too clearly. That day, the very same day I first laid my eyes on your frightened emerald ones. I had to admit, it was a day that I would never forget. I don't understand why that day felt special to me, maybe it is because I finally have someone to laugh at or someone to comply with my every demand, or maybe, it was the day I found you… My brother.

I was young back then, wild and full of curiosity. I was usually out, hunting, doing some training, and maybe, hang-out with some of the fairies. But, that day changed my life… entirely. While chasing down a rabbit, I stumbled upon some creature with a tattered cape on. I stopped dead on my tracks, thinking, what the hell was that. As I called to it, it squeaked and slowly turned to me. That is when I met two eyes, shockingly similar to mine. We stood a long time like that, staring at each other. That is when, I knew, it had to be. It had to be you.


Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That I can't keep loving you
Oh, with half of my heart


As thoughts filled my mind, as I continued to stare at the child with dull eyes. It then squeaked and stood up, eyes, beginning to gleam as he ran to his mother, calling out, "Mama!". I smiled sadly, thinking that he was pretty much like you, when you were young. You would always come to me, with those gleaming green eyes, full of enthusiasm… and love. Too bad, I would always hit you, or brush you off back then. I shook my head and continued to walk down the street. Regret is a bitch.

I tugged on my jacket once again as the ice cold wind hit my face again. I suddenly laid my eyes on one of the flowers displayed on the flower shop in front of me—a red tulip. It wasn't any other ordinary tulip. It stood out from the rest, mainly because it was the only red one on the bouquet of white tulips. Much like you.


I was made to believe i'd never love somebody else
I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself
Lonely was the song I sang, 'til the day you came
Showing me a better way and all that my love can bring


I sighed as the memories started to fill me up once again. It was a warm and sunny day. I took us out to the forest, mainly because you insisted and kept pestering me about how good the weather is. I rested my head on one palm of my hand as I lazily watch you, laughing with the fairies on the flower field. I began to relax. You were having so much fun, twirling around on your green cape, laughing and running all the way with the fairies. I almost drift to sleep when the oddest thing happened. You ran to me with a bouquet of assorted tulips on your hand, shouting. "Big brother! Big brother! This is for you!" Then you gave me one of those smiles. The soft and honest smile of yours. I blinked twice, as I felt a blush starting to tainting my cheeks. I whacked you on the head, but took the flowers, none the less. You cried and kept asking why I did that. I just shrugged and continued to make myself comfortable at my spot, under the shade of a big oak tree.

When I woke up that afternoon, I was practically surprised to see your small frame, curled up to a ball on my lap. You had flowers all over you, making you look... so adorable… and innocent. I smiled; maybe I'll let this go, just for this time. I started stroking your hair, as I looked away from the prying eyes of our fairy friends. I was already embarrassed enough for the day.


Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That I can't keep loving you
Oh, with half of my heart
With half of my heart


I chuckled again; it's odd that all I seem to remember is you. Now, I'm starting to wonder where you are. I frowned when a speeding car race passed by, hitting a poodle on its way, then splashed muddy water on my shoes. I gritted my teeth as I cursed loudly, ignoring all the damned stares I get. I shot them a death glare as they all cower out of my way. I sighed and cursed again before noticing the store on the other side of the store. It was an antique shop. I shrugged as I made my way, not giving a damn at the bloody car honks that I was getting. Fuck off; don't give a bloody damn if I'm jail-walking.

As I arrived on the store, I entered unconsciously. The small room has a lot of antique stuffs stashed on the shelves and on the corner of the room, some were a little dusty and dirty, but other than that, it gave a warm and nostalgic feeling.  An old man greeted me, as I entered; I brushed my hand on the antique Victorian furniture, smiling as I remembered how I and he would take tea on a couch like this. I continued to browse through some stuffs before I found a little box, next to a pirate cap. I tilted my head as I opened it. Right then and there, memories started to fill my mind, once again, as the music box plays it's magical melody.


Your faith is strong
But I can only fall short for so long
Time will hold, later on
You will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart


You grew up to be a strong nation, often traveling and earning battle marks; you're finally becoming a man. The glint on your beautiful forest green eyes showed, arrogance indomitable determination, bloodlust, greed and power. I was proud of you. But I was also burning with hatred. I hated how those green eyes had found someone new. I hated how they shine with every glory you would bring forth. I hated everything you were then, because – you don't need me anymore. I despised your freedom, because it only means – that your not mine anymore. I wanted you to only see me, only want me, only desire me—only be mine. I don't want to be just brothers. I wanted more—the person you will give your all to. Even if blood is to be shed, so be it, as long as I will have you by the end of the day.

I smiled sadly as I remembered the bloody days, where you stood tall, your emerald eyes strained, as tears started to build up, but you didn't cry. You stood tall, and hardened your eyes. You asked me if I loved you, I said nothing. Love? I don't know what that is. Maybe this feeling I harbor now is what you call love. But then again, it could be something else; it could be desire, greed, envy and selfishness. Love is a destructive feeling; and if I really did harbor "love" for him, I wouldn't tell him, nor would I admit it, because I know, that I could never really love anyone other than myself. My palm curled into a fist as I watched you walk away, the rain hiding both our bitter tears. I never saw you ever again after that day… not until… that day…


But I can't stop loving you
But I can't stop loving you
But I can't stop loving you with half of my...


A scowl decorated my face as I closed the box. I glared at the pirate hat, as memories flashed back. It is the first time I've ever seen you had that expression. Anger, jealousy, hate, betrayal, fear, and heartbreak, glazed your eyes as you stared at the paper in from of you. You crumbled it before storming out and boarding the next ship. My eyes landed on the words: Declaration for Independence. My fist clenched. He was your first heartbreak.

I held you close as you cried all your bitter tears. You had lost; the world would have been at your hands, if you only had not let emotions took over you. You should have crushed him and kept him low. But you didn't. You always gently smiled at him, hugged him and even cook for him. You showed so much "love" and held him close. But look what did he repaid you, heartbreak, pain and tears. I hated to see you cry, especially if it is not because of me. Nobody is allowed to make you cry, except me. Only me. That is why, that bastard should never be forgiven. Never.


Half of my heart
Half of my heart


I thanked the old man before leaving the store. I cursed loudly as the cold breeze strikes my face once again. Why does it always have to be so bloody cold today? Two kids caught my eye. One, was screaming and shouting while hitting the other. The second and much smaller boy cried and tried to shield his petite figure with his small arms. I would have normally just ignored them. I never really liked sticking my nose in other people's business. It is troublesome; it's not even worth the effort. But one annoying part of me told me to break the two apart.

I towered over the larger kid and sending him one of my glares. The child stuttered and scurried away, while screaming "Mommy!". I turned my attention back towards the smaller kid, obviously irritated, that I had to go out of my way to participate in a child's fight. How annoying. The small kid was shaking; he was obviously cold, judging how small his clothing was. He also seems to be frightened, so I didn't stepped any closer. He suddenly reminded me of you once again. Was I also this cruel towards you?


Half of my heart's got a real good imagination
Half of my heart's got you
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That half of my heart won't do


Feeling pity for the child, I took off my scarf and gently threw it to him before turning my back on him and continued back to my house. I want to lock you up at the house so nobody else could see you. That way, no one will take you away from me. I want you to only scream and think of me as I give you love. I want you to only be mine. But, some part of me tells me, that I can't keep loving you, that I can't keep making you cry. I never loved anyone other than myself, so I would never know how to make you happy. After all, all I ever did was make you cry. I smiled sadly to myself as I stopped at a pedestrian crossing. There were a lot of people as I squirmed to make my way through. That was when my eyes laid on you.


Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring
And half of my heart is the part of a man who's never really loved anything


You weren't alone though. You had that fat four-eyed ungrateful bastard with you. You were holding hands with him and it seems like both of you are arguing about something—as usual. I felt my fist clenched.
A car passed by.

Half of my heart

Now, the fight seems to be taking its toll on you, because you started screaming and cursing. The bloody bastard did the same.
A car passed by.

Half of my heart

Now, the fight seems to subside because both of you were pouting while looking opposite of each other. I saw a tear run down your cheeks. Oh, that bastard is going to get it. At this point, my blood is boiling.
A car passed by.

Half of my heart

Now, it's starting to drizzle. Unfortunately, it seems that you and I forgot to bring one. So the four-eyed goof-ball, shielded you with his jacket before murmuring something that I couldn't hear.
A car passed by.

Half of my heart

You face him and he stroked your cheeks, wiping your tears. He kissed your forehead, your eyes, your cheeks then your lips. At that moment, I felt a sharp pang hit my heart. Jealousy and anger shot through my body as my blood began to boil once again. That should be me. Not that ungrateful bastard.
A car passed by.

Half of my heart

You are now laughing with him. With that, my heart softened, as I felt it continue to break. You seem to be… happy. And happiness is something I could not bring. I only make you cry, that's why I desperately fought the urge to run to you and hold you in my arms. Screw everything. He makes you happy, I can't. I chuckled bitterly as I pocketed my hands.
A car passed by.

Half of my heart

The green light shinned and everybody started to walk. I smiled to myself; I easily blended with the crowd. You are now laughing, unknowingly passing me by. I closed my eyes as I whispered to you: "Tak' care o' th' ither hauf o' mah hert." Because I can't let you go. And with that I left as I faintly heard him say: "Scotty?"

As Alfred and Arthur arrived at Arthur's house, a red rose nested on top of his front porch. Right then and there, Arthur knew who had been there. He smiled as he picked it up.
"Scotty."